superpower-pnut's avatar

superpower-pnut

the lovely lady Tanya bleudragon
823 Watchers
14.5K
Deviations
157.5K
Pageviews

I wish it were a good kind....


2 months ago, on Christmas Day, I lost my mother for suspected but unknown reasons. It's still a deep hurt, esp. at night, but to re-hash that is not my purpose here today.


You, dear viewer, may not know that she was an artist in her own right. Selling oil paintings was one of the ways she earned extra money. Many a Christmas present was thanks to her talent back then. She would paint at our dining room table, snarling "Quit shaking the table!" as we scampered through. She painted mostly 16"x20" canvasboards - she didn't like the bounce of stretched canvas.


When she decided to return to college, and then onto a job as an OT, painting fell to the wayside. When she retired, she went back to it on a smaller scale - 5"x 7" and rocks 'liberated' from landscaping. But eventually she went back to the larger size...and then became a granma. XD


She would say "I need to get back to my painting" often, but things popped up - my sister and her kid moved in, more grandkids came, her health declined....


...Hm. I think I'll staunch it there. Anyways, she has an account here, please feel free to glance around and-who knows? Maybe you'd like to purchase one. There's no plan in place currently for that, but .... *shrugs*


https://www.deviantart.com/mainetherapy/gallery is the linkie. Thanks for letting me put that out there....

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Just after midnight on Christmas Day, Santa was sent down to take my mother to heaven. And while I am glad she is hale, hearty and whole, I am absolutely broken, as are my 2 sisters and my dad - her husband of 52 years.


She'd been having breathing issues for months, but these last couple months they really accelerated. On Dec 19th she came out of the shower and basically collapsed on her bed, the pain in her legs and lungs draining her. But after a few minutes, she could regain normal breathing. But her prior scans showed no asthma or emphysema, and though she had a "leaky valve", she told me her doc told her "You do NOT have heart failure!"


Fast forward to Friday. We live in Buffalo. If you've watched the news, you'd know that this was the day the blizzard started. I came home from work at 1230pm and she was in her chair. She complained of dizzyness, weakness, and nausea. Saturday , Christmas Eve, she was rather worse, and suspected that she may have had caught the flu. About 7pm, she informed me she'd been sitting in her chair since 1030 am, and thought she should move around and try to pee. When she returned, she was gasping and wheezing horribly.


I was watching her, terror rising - while this point the winds had mostly abated, there was a driving ban and roads were difficult-to-impassable! She flopped back and seemed to recover, and I 'lowered the alert' and had dinner, watched some films, and wrapped gifts in my room


at 1159pm, I had just hopped on FB to post a holiday gif. Then dad called me: "Come down! I need your help with mother!"


She'd gone to the bathroom, and was seated there, hyperventilating. I took over while Dad called 911, rubbing her back and saying things like "Mama? Stay with us, Mama. just breathe!"


Suddenly, with a grunt she fell forward and off the seat. I screamed for Dad and shook her. I could hear moans, so I called "Mama! Mama! Please!" Dad freaked out , I took the phone while Dad pulled her into the kitchen and tried CPR.


Again, the blizzard winds had just ended, and our front porch was absolutely snow-covered. I told Dad he needed to open the garage door - it was the only way in, and I took over the CPR as best as I could. I can still see her face ...her mouth open and her eyes kinda half-lidded. I thought 'If only I can get the fluid out of her lungs, we can get her breathing and treated' The EMTs and police came in, One pulled me into the Dining room for info. I guess Dad went into the garage. Then the young man told me what no oine wants to hear - My Mama was gone.


Funny thing is that a part of me felt separate, as if detached. Like I was trapped in a body that wasn't mine, in a scene that wasn't here. My brain forming coherent thoughts while all the rest of me could do is plead with the guy to tell me he was lying, and then just scream NO at the top of my lungs into my dad's chest.


My little nieces though mom was secretly Mrs. Claus . Mom loved to spoil them. We'll always talk about the year 7 (SEVEN) full garbage bags were lugged into my sister's house. Now they have no more Nanas. I lost a dinner buddy, an art critic, a framer, a comedy show, a friend. My father lost the only woman he loved, his travel companion and drinking buddy.


God, it all feels unreal. I wanted a Miracle where in the moring she'd stumble into her recliner and scold us for leaving her on the floor.


I don't know what we're going to do.


I want my mommy.

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Very much doubt this 'new look' the watch page is getting will be met with cheers and roses. They really hate their subscribers, don't they?


*EDIT* I've learned that newbies automatically have that whole new shit from the get-go, so let me rephrase that to: They really hate their past, don't they?


I mean, it makes sense. Just like in RL, when a new company based out of state bought the company I was working for, the ones who sensed the storm earliest slipped away to new hunting grounds. When the storm came, it was most eager to un-root the oldest, seeing them as the least pliable. The storm wanted to shape saplings to its whim, regardless of effectiveness. Some are palms, and withstand the storm, but the pines, the oaks, and the maples will get flattened

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

What a Week.

1 min read

Sunday: Flip flops, no coat, eating ice cream on an 83 degree day

Mon: wake up in a sweat, hit the A/C cuz it's so humid. Then a 'monsoon' sweeps through

Tue: Left for work with no jacket, regretted it at close cuz now it's 42 degrees

Wed: @#$%^&* SNOW?!


Someone PLEASE fix Old Man Winter's ankle bracelet - he's gotten out of the ward again!

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

What's Next?

1 min read

How long before they do some jackass 'upgrade' to the art we upload? 'Now, every time you hover over a picture thumbnail, we'll upload their entire gallery to your hard drive so you can have advanced interaction!' @_@


If they're angling for my money, they're taking the wrong beat. But I don't think they are. In fact, I think they are angling for a specific group of people - professionals who teethed on gen-1 iPhones not really caring about interactions other than viewership. That leaves little guys like me out in the cold


So what are you going to do?

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Goodbye, See you in a few days by superpower-pnut, journal

Devious Journal Entry by superpower-pnut, journal

Really Irritated by superpower-pnut, journal

HipWallpaper?! by superpower-pnut, journal

Just Damned Tired by superpower-pnut, journal